life... and pain

hello
sorry i havent posted in a while but as my friend said the summer makes people lazy. i was just thinking about well -- me. if youj  dont know me, or dont know me wwell, then you wouldnt know that i am the type of person thatt bends to fit what people think of me. for example, if you are an adult i act all sophisticated and stuff, if you are a kid and u are taller than me i actg all cute and cuddly, if you are a kida nd ur shorter i fell like a giant amd like a klutz. if you ared my hight you probably make fun of me for being well... me. i am the type of person that will go out of herf way to please you becuase if it doesnt physically kill me and it makes you happy, whyh not? and apparantly that makes people think i am:
A) easily taken advantage of
B) vulnerable
C) stupid
which in my opinion arent really good things. and then there are trhe people i acn act normal with and just have fun, at this poinnt, i dont habe any, i used to but things change and so do people and we grew appart. almlost everything reminds me of Her. She was my best friemnd @ one pouint and i guess we were just to different and now she has a clique while im nice to everyone which makes me not belong because to be in a clique you basically have to have one thing in common, hatred towards a person place idea or thing. havent you noticed hatred brings people together (ironically) liek hitler, basically the whole world hated him and temporarily became friends with eachother out of the common hate of the creator of volkswagem (yes hitler  was the founder of volkswagen). so since i dont reallyt hate because i can imagine being the other person so easily, i dont know how b/c ive never really been bullied or hated. and also for anyone who calls me a goody two shoes u have it wrong cause i a goddy two shoes is someone whos normally evil until the authority comes around and then their super nice and helpful etc. any way this girl that i used to best friends with, well i gues i found it hard after fourth grade to feel normal around someoenn like Her. we had so many memories together she was basically my heart, i loved her like a sister and then one by one the little peices of my heart broke but since somne started earlier tham others a lot of the peices have heealed, which is good but it still hurts. there is a quote and it goes something like this: it is harder to have somthing half way than to not have it at all. @ first i didnt get it and then i understood, if i had never had anything with Her and we had even been enemies, it would be easier for me to deal than the way it really is, halfway, we're the people you would never even know were close @ any time, and it makes me sad becuas eit was a great friendship, but almost noone would believ how close we were. we were sisters, soul sisters. its so hard to see her now becuas ewhemever i fleetingly look at her and her clique laughing and having a godd time and she realizes im looking she looks at me and she looks so sad. and i guess ive learned how tpp deal with it pretty well by now, but whenever i recall a memory, another bit of my heart breaks. if you aredd reading this you jkmow who you are id just like to say i miss you -- a lot.