RACCOONS V. CATS

Let me start out by saying that as we ALL know, raccoons are FAR better than kitty cats. Saying that know many of you will ask why. Here are a few reasons that raccoons are better than cats.


Everyone knows that raccoons are the symbol of both pirates and ninjas. Contrary to popular belief raccoons actually have more in common with pirates than with ninjas, though they resemble ninjas. Since they have the best traits of pirates (the plundering skills and get rich quick schemes) and ninjas (stealth and a black mask) they are elite. What are cats the symbol of? OLD LADIES. Since when are old ladies cooler than pirates/ninjas?

Raccoons also help planet earth, and your wallet. Since raccoons eat your trash they are keeping these foods from being dumped in a land fill where they will rot and cause global warming. They also help your wallet because then you don’t have to pay the trash men to pick up your trash because you wouldn’t have any. What do cats do for the environment? Fart. 50% of the global warming is from cat farts (I think). Plus they will ADD to your trash pile with the litter box stuff, empty cat food bags, etc. Plus all that stuff costs $$ which you want to spend less of.

Raccoons are the mascots of Bubble Island, the most addicting game on Facebook. Enough said.

Raccoons have epic self defense skills. They may look all cute and cuddly, but they are actually vicious and strong. They have a better chance of surviving in the wild than cats, which are just cute and cuddly. Raccoons have many different moves they use to take down opponents (generally of the feline type) such as: The Trash Hider. The raccoon hides in the trash can while its prey walks along. At the last minute the raccoon knocks the trash can down, rolls out, and starts the dance battle. This then confuses the opponent and makes them dizzy (from all the pirouetting) and eventually the flop over dead. This is one of the best tactics used by Raccoons to take down small animals, such as cats, bunnies, guinea pigs, hedge hogs, and other animals. Just a few of the many other fighting moves they have are: the flying kick, the flying tail whip, the flying punch, the imaginary flying squirrel punch/kick/tail whip, and many more. What are cats self defense moves? Making retarded noises to “scare” of predators. This generally doesn’t work.

These were just a few of the reasons that raccoons are better than cats.